Sing For Your Sanity

Which Way Should I Turn?

2010-11-16T18:18:00.000-08:00

Many things occur to me while I am out walking. Here's another one. This morning I noticed that the leaves were falling off the trees as I walked by. The song "Turn,Turn,Turn," sung by the Byrds, popped into my head. It brought to mind that everything changes. Nothing stays the same. The seasons always change and so do we. Change does not have to be a negative thing.

I have been feeling very anxious and afraid lately because I am doing many new things. It came to me that there is nothing wrong with this. Change is bound to happen and it is OK to be afraid. It just isn't OK to stop moving forward. I also decided if I just put one foot in front of the other and don't look too far ahead, I stop feeling so overwhelmed and I am better able to take action.

After writing the above portion, I started to feel better. Want to know why? It was because I received encouragement and support from friends of mine in my Tribe. (Email me if you want to know more about a Tribe.) It was great. I no longer felt alone in this process of learning new things. So the lesson I learned today is that if you are afraid or worried, tell someone and get some help. This is a simple idea but one that I think many people are resistant to. We don't want to feel weak or appear stupid. Too bad! If I appear stupid at least I am doing it for a good cause. I am trying to improve my life and in doing so I may make some mistakes. But, it is better to try and fail then never to try at all. Thomas Edison said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." I guess I am working on my first thousand ways that don't work. Hopefully, by asking questions and getting help, I won't have to go through 10,00 ways that don't work. I hope the same for you.

In case you want to be inspired by Thomas Edison you could read The Wizard of Menlo Park: How Thomas Alva Edison Invented the Modern World.

Or maybe you would prefer to listen to some vintage tunes.
Essential Byrds CD

What, Me Worry?

2010-11-01T13:23:00.000-07:00

The funniest thing happened in church about a month ago. It was my daughter's birthday and the tradition is that the congregation sings Happy Birthday to the birthday person if their birthday falls on that exact Sunday. Well, I was really looking forward to this. It doesn't happen very often. I made sure she was in the church Sanctuary at just the right time. I even left the choir loft to go find her. So I am sure you can guess what happened. The pastor did not have the congregation sing. I was sitting in the choir loft wondering if I should somehow signal the pastor. Or maybe I could get my husband to remind the pastor. (My husband is the choir director at our church.) I was so busy trying to figure out how to make this happen that I could barely pay attention to the songs, prayers and sermon.

Does this ever happen to you? Do you worry and worry and try to control things to get them to turn out exactly as you want? I do, much too often.

This is not a recipe for good mental health. I often tell people that we have to relinquish attachment to the outcome. This is a Buddhist philosophy, I believe. The idea is to do the best you can at your task and then let the rest go. I am not in charge of all that happens. This is both a relief and a disappointment, but in the long run, I think it's more of a relief. I can let go of the weight of always being in charge. What a good idea! I think we should all try it.

One thing I use to help me relax is meditation. If you are new to this idea and would like to try a breath meditation, just click on my store and you can download an audio breath meditation for free. Let me know what you think.

Sing For Your Sanity: What Do Politics and Love Have In Common?

2010-10-27T11:17:00.000-07:00

Sing For Your Sanity: What Do Politics and Love Have In Common?: "It is the political time of year! There are ads that tell you how wonderful one candidate is and how terrible their opponent is. Everything ..."

What Do Politics and Love Have In Common?

2010-10-27T09:02:00.000-07:00

It is the political time of year! There are ads that tell you how wonderful one candidate is and how terrible their opponent is. Everything is drawn in very black and white terms. I suppose this is all right if you are trying to get people to vote for you. But let me tell you, in family, love and friendship, all or nothing thinking is not very helpful.

The problem is this. If I think I am right, and you think you are right, then we are just going to argue. Neither one of us is going to compromise or be flexible. In this point of view, we have decided that there is only one right way. This is simply not true. There are many right ways to do things, not just one. I work with couples all the time to help them improve their communication. You wouldn't believe (or maybe you would) how many couples or families fight over how to put the dishes in the dishwasher! Is there just one way to do this? Of course not. I say to these couples, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?" Unfortunately, some people just want to be right.

In the musical "Of Thee I Sing," presidential candidate John Wintergreen is running on the platform of love. He makes a promise to marry the winner of a beauty pageant. Unfortunately, he falls for someone else and marries her instead. She makes really good corn muffins. He still wins the Presidency because who can vote against love? Well, chaos ensues. The beauty pageant winner whom he jilted sues him for breach of promise. The Senate votes to impeach him. The Supreme Court decides in his favor because corn muffins are more important than justice. Seriously. Luckily, President Wintergreen is good at compromise. It turns out that when the President can't perform his duties, they fall to the Vice-President. The jilted beauty pageant winner marries the VP and all is well.

In California, we have been having a terrible time getting politicians to agree or compromise. Our state budget is a mess. Like I said, that's how politics goes. But personal relationships are different. They have to be. If you want to have healthy relationships, work on finding the middle ground. You and your loved ones will be happier.

By the way, "Of Thee I Sing" was written by George and Ira Gershwin and, in 1932, was the first musical to win the Pulitzer Prize for Drama. It's a great satire about politics.

Of Thee I Sing (1952 Revival Cast) CD

Don't Let A Monkey Take Over Your Mind

2010-10-20T17:26:00.000-07:00

I went for my morning walk and chanced to come upon a garage sale. There were some bookcases there for a good price so I asked the seller to hold them for me until I finished my walk. As soon as I walked away to continue my exercise I started worrying that she would sell them before I got back. Maybe I wasn't clear enough that I really wanted them. I wasn't sure what to do. It was a little early to call my husband because I didn't want the phone to wake my daughter. I worried and worried and then finally decided to call my husband so he could go over and pay for them. On the way back from my walk I could see a strange man looking at the bookcases. I started to worry that someone else was buying them before I could. I hurried to get back to the garage sale.

Here's the weird thing. I didn't even know I wanted these bookcases until just that morning. I had been perfectly happy walking along looking at the ducks and rabbits and Joshua trees. All of a sudden I got in a tizzy. My mind started going round and round and worrying over something that wasn't even that important.

I like to call this Monkey Mind. This is not an original name. I understand that it is a Buddhist concept. In her book "The Energy of Money," Maria Nemeth describes Monkey Mind as "a criticizing aspect of our mind that swings us from doubt, to worry, and back to doubt." So Monkey Mind made me think that these bookcases were absolutley crucial to my happiness. I was going to be very upset if we didn't get them. This is crazy. I was making myself upset over something that wasn't really even that important.

I imagine that I'm not the only one who does this. In fact, I'm sure of this. Way back somewhere between AD 55 and AD 135 the Greek philosopher Epictetus said, "People are not disturbed by things but by the view they take of them." This means then, that what affects your mind and emotions is not what happens to you, but how you interpret what happens to you. I started to think I was going to be deprived of the bookcases. I interpreted this to be a very bad thing and so I became upset and worried.

The funny thing is that the man who I saw looking at the bookcases was actually part of the garage sale. He was helping my husband load the bookcases into the car. I guess I will have to talk about making assumptions sometime.

I have included this rendition of "Monkey In The Mango Tree" sung by Ricardo Montalban because it is funny and a little twist on Monkey Mind. The monkeys decide they are insulted by being compared to humans and at the end say, "Don't identify yourself with me." This song is from the musical "Jamaica."

The Monkey In the Mango Tree

Sing For The Health Of Our World: We All Need Water

2010-10-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

Let's take a time out from singing for our sanity and instead, sing for the health and safety of our world.

Ocotber 15 is Blog Action Day and the topic of interest is water. Here are some facts that highlight the importance of clean and accessible drinking water for everyone around the world.

Health and Sanitation

Unsafe water and lack of basic sanitation cause 80% of diseases and kill more people every year than all forms of violence, including war. Children are especially vulnerable, as their bodies aren't strong enough to fight diarrhea, dysentery and other illnesses.

90% of the 42,000 deaths that occur every week from unsafe water and unhygienic living conditions are to children under five years old. Many of these diseases are preventable. The UN predicts that one tenth of the global disease burden can be prevented simply by improving water supply and sanitation.

Women and Children.

In Africa alone, people spend 40 billion hours every year just walking for water. Women and children usually bear the burden of water collection, walking miles to the nearest source, which is unprotected and likely to make them sick.

Time spent walking and resulting diseases keep them from school, work and taking care of their families.

Along their long walk, they're subjected to a greater risk of harassment and sexual assault. Hauling cans of water for long distances takes a toll on the spine and many women experience back pain early in life.

I remember hearing that in the Sudan, women risk getting raped in order to get water.

With safe water nearby, women are free to pursue new opportunities and improve their families’ lives. Kids can earn their education and build the future of their communities.

Go to www.charitywater.org and learn how you can help. You can watch this video for more information.

Blog Action Day 2010: Water from Blog Action Day on Vimeo.

Of course, I have to add a song as well. This is a great message to remember. We ARE the world.

We Are The World: U.S.A For Africa Audio CD
We Are the World - The Story Behind the Song (20th Anniversary Special Edition) DVD

You Can Make Yourself Feel Better, Or Not

2010-10-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

I went to the Post Office last Friday to pick up my mail. At least, I thought I was going to pick up my mail. The worker was very nice, but they couldn't find any mail for me or my office mates. This mail was very important because I was waiting for two paychecks. I had been waiting for these checks from an insurance company for 8 months. There was a major problem getting payment and finally I had it solved. I even received one check last week. I was looking forward to more, since I had been told the checks were in the mail (ha, ha).

We had a problem receiving our mail last week, on the very days I expected these checks. This is why I ended up at the Post Office.

When I left the Post Office without any mail, I was very irritated. I drove back to my office muttering unkind thoughts under my breath. I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier. I decided to turn on the radio. Since I tell everyone that songs can affect your mood, I thought I would try it for myself.

Here's the song that was playing. It was "Put A Little Love In Your Heart!" Wasn't that amazing? It made me smile, and lo and behold, I felt less aggravated. This was a personal example of what I try to teach others everyday. I guess I have to practice what I preach.

Listen and see if it makes your day a little brighter. I hope it does.

Put a Little Love in Your Heart CD by Jackie Deshannon
Essential 70's 4 CDs

Be Heart Smart: Avoiding Unhealthy Relationships Part 3

2010-10-03T19:16:00.000-07:00

Here is another myth that needs to be debunked. No one can read your mind! I have heard many people say, "He should know what I want by now. We have been together a long time." Or, "If she loved me she would know what to do. I shouldn't have to say anything." This is complete hooey. No one knows what you're thinking except you. If you want a loved one to know what you want, then tell them.

I have also heard people say, "I don't want to say what I want for my birthday or Christmas because it isn't as special if I tell them what gift to get me." Well, if you like surprises, that's fine. But then don't tell your partner that they have gotten you the wrong thing. Just tell them what you want in the first place and everyone will be happy.

I heard on the radio today the song "Can You Read My Mind?" from the movie Superman. This is a great sentiment if your boyfriend actually IS Superman. Lois Lane has it good, but for the rest of us mere mortals it's better to speak our minds.

If you have trouble being assertive, give me a call. I would be happy to talk with you about this.

By the way, I really like Superman. I think he's dreamy, don't you?

Superman: 4 Film Favorites (Superman The Movie / Superman II / Superman III / Superman IV The Quest for Peace) DVD

Be Heart Smart: Avoiding Unhealthy Love Relationships: Part 2

2010-09-27T19:48:00.000-07:00

You gotta love a love song, right? For the most part, so do I, but I have to tell you that love songs are some of the best examples of screwed up thinking that I have ever heard. The lyrics of a song my 13 year old daughter listens to just flashed through my mind. "I can't live life without you." I don't even know who sings this song. I bet there are million songs with a similar theme. Send me a comment if you can think of one.

Oh, I just thought of a great one. "My Life Would Suck Without You," sung by Kelly Clarkson.

Anyway, the problem with this sentiment is that too many people take it literally. I talk to them all the time. They think they will die without the one they love. I know that relationships can be very painful. We don't call it heartbreak for nothing. But if you really believe what the song says you are screwed! It just isn't true. You can survive after a breakup or loss. It can be difficult but you will survive. Maybe we need to think of a line from another song called, "I Will Survive." Check this out and sing along if you need to. I don't know what's up with the roller skating.

I Will Survive: Anthology Gloria Gaynor CD
My Life Would Suck Without You Kelly Clarkson CD

Be Heart Smart: Avoiding Unhealthy Love Relationships

2010-09-26T19:15:00.000-07:00

This is the first part of what I think will be several posts about love relationships.I will start by using the musical "Guys and Dolls" as a good example of what not to do.

There are two main women in the musical Guys and Dolls. They each love a man who is not good for them.

Here's the set up. Adelaide has been engaged to the same man for many, many years. His occupation is setting up illegal crap games. He says they will get married but keeps putting it off. Adelaide has gone so far as to tell her mother they have been married for years. She even made up fake kids and writes to her mother about them on a regular basis.

Sister Sarah, who works for the Salvation Army, falls for a gambler. Each man is notoriously undependable. I guess they both like bad boys.
Anyway, the song they sing is about marrying these bad boys, with the intention of changing them.

Listen to this.

"Marry the man today, rather than sigh in sorrow, marry the man today and change his ways tomorrow."

Does this sound like a good idea? Of course not! But there are still people who try to do this. What I like to tell my clients is, "Don't marry a fixer-upper." You know how you can buy a house that needs a lot of work to be truly liveable? That's what I call a fixer-upper. Don't get in a relationship with someone who needs a lot of work.

Of course, none of us is perfect. Your partner will always have flaws. I mean that you need to be careful to avoid potential partners who need a lot of work. Assume that the person you are interested in will always be the way he or she is when you first met them. Heck, you liked them that way, right? If you can live with how they are right now then they are a good choice. If you think, "All will be well if they only change," then you are on a dangerous path. Contrary to what Sister Sarah and Adelaide believe, you cannot change them.

Guys and Dolls DVD
Guys and Dolls [Original Music from the Movie Soundtrack] CD
Guys and Dolls [1992 Broadway Revival Cast] CD

Count Your Blessings (Instead of Sheep)

2010-09-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

I heard Eddie Fisher singing on the radio today. They were honoring him because he died yesterday. He was a famous singer, husband to Debbie Reynolds and father of Carrie Fisher of Star Wars fame. He was singing the song that Irving Berlin wrote called "Counting your Blessings." What a great song! It is also great advice if you want to stop worrying. How many blessings do you have in your life that you can count?

When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings

If you really have trouble sleeping, try the sleep meditation audio download in my store.

Eddie Fisher - Greatest Hits
The Fabulous Fifties: Unforgettable Fifties (3 CD Set)
White Christmas (Anniversary Edition)
Holiday Inn & White Christmas - O.S.T.

Aspirin Isn't The Only Pain Reliever

2010-09-18T20:03:00.000-07:00

Did you know that one way you can cope better with pain is by laughing? I actually recommended that a client attend laughter yoga recently. Then I heard Dr. Steven Sultanoff say on the news today that "tolerance to pain is
increased with deep, heartfelt laughter." This doctor is a laughter therapist. That's funny all by itself! He went on to indicate that "humor activates wit" which changes your perspective and "shifts the way we think and we know that thinking is directly related to pain."

So what can you do? You can read or tell jokes, watch funny movies or even remember a time when you laughed so hard that you cried. Doing any of these things shifts your mindset and can help reduce pain. This just reinforces how important it is to pay attention to what you think. So watch this clip of the song "I love to laugh" from Mary Poppins. I hope it makes you laugh.

Mary Poppins (45th Anniversary Special Edition) DVD
Mary Poppins audio CD

Let It Be

2010-09-14T18:22:00.001-07:00

I often talk to my clients about reducing their attachment to an outcome. What does this mean? We want things to turn out our way. We want what we want and we want it now. The problem with this philosophy is that if we don't get what we want we are very upset. I know this sounds as if we all operate at the level of a 5 year old, but I think we all do in certain situations.

The other issue is that many people get stuck in the belief that they will not be happy if things in their life don't turn out exactly as they want. This is a big problem because if you have lived even a little while in the world, you will find out that many times things will not go the way you want.

What should you do? Reducing attachment to an outcome means that you do what you can and then let go. There is only so much you can do in any given situation. This especially applies to trying to get other people to behave the way you want.

A good example for me revolves around my daughter's grades. She will tell you that I am a pain about her grades. And she is right. I take on too much responsibility for something that is her job. I need to lessen my attachment to the outcome of her grades. It is her life and her grades.

If you find yourself too attached to someone else's behavior try the idea of "let it be."

For a particularly touching rendition of "Let It Be", listen to Paul McCartney and company sing it during a 9-11 tribute.

Ricky Nelson Was Right

2010-09-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

I was thinking today about the song by Ricky Nelson, " Garden Party." The line I like is "You can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself." This is so true. I talk to so many people who make themselves ill over trying to do what everyone else wants them to do. It isn't possible. It is OK to put yourself first and do what you want. This video explains it all. Go, Ricky!

It IS a wonderful world

2010-09-12T15:43:00.000-07:00

I am sure many of you have heard about the Chilean miners who are trapped in a collapsed mine. They are all alive (33 of them) but may have to wait 4 months to get out. Guess what they were told to do to help them handle their situation? They were told to sing for their sanity. I read the following on web.orange.co.uk.

"Chile's health minister, Dr Jaime Manalich, said a daily and nightly routine is important and having fun is critical.

"We hope to define a secure area where they can establish various places - one for resting and sleeping, one for diversion, one for food, another for work," Dr Manalich said."

"That includes singing, games of movement, playing cards. We want them to record songs, to make videos, to create works of theatre for the family."

I am not surprised. Songs help you feel good, especially if they are upbeat songs. I have a few suggestions for them. How about "High Hopes?" Or maybe they could try "It's A Wonderful World?" I know that these songs are in English, but I imagine that there are similar songs in Spanish.

The Chilean minister also mentioned sending antidepressants to the miners. Maybe he should send an iPod with a lot of songs on it, too. (If they have a way to charge it).

What songs do you think would be helpful? Drop me a comment and let me know.

Here's Louis Armstrong and "It's A Wonderful World." He smiles through the whole song and I couldn't help but smile, too. Maybe we should all sing along.

Procrastination

2010-09-07T14:31:00.000-07:00

This post is for my friend Linda. She mentioned that she procrastinates, like most of us do, I guess. I always think of Charlie Brown when I think about procrastination. Charlie Brown was supposed to right a book report and he put it off. He had all sorts of good reasons for doing so, but so do we all. Watch this video and see what you think.

Here are some tips to help overcome procrastination.

First, you can use the Swiss Cheese Method. This just means taking any part of the project you are putting off and doing it. Don't worry about where you start. You are just poking holes in the project.

You could also try timing yourself. Tell yourself you will only work on the project for a specified time, such as 10 minutes. You can do almost anything for 10 minutes. When the time is up you can stop. If, however, you feel like continuing, go ahead. Usually, once you start, doing more isn't too hard.

A list of the consequences that will occur if you put off the project can sometimes help motivate you. You might have to stay up late or you may get in trouble at work.

Sometimes you just have to change your mindset. Many people are afraid of failure so they won't do something they perceive as risky. Or maybe they are perfectionists and are afraid the project won't be just right. If this is the case, you can ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that can happen in this instance?" Usually the worst thing is not that bad.

Up, Up and Away

2010-09-06T13:39:00.001-07:00

I saw about 8 hot air balloons flying high over the valley while I was out walking today. They made me smile. So that made me think about what other things make me smile. I like poppies, cats, watching my daughter play the harp, and beautiful music. It also reminded me of that song"Up, Up and Away, My Beautiful Balloon" sung by the 5th Dimension. These things all make me happy. If you don't feel happy right now, watch this video. It is from 1967 and the clothing alone is good for a laugh.

You might say that these are just small things. but that's what life is made of. You see, every day can't be what I call Disneyland Day. Disneyland Day is special and comes only once a year or so for me. I am always excited and happy about that day. But, if I am only happy on days that are extra special what happens the rest of the days? Life is made up mainly of regular days.

So if you want to feel better more often what should you do? I suggest that every day you think about 3 things that you were thankful for, or grateful for, or happy about, that happened the day
before. You could also think about things you are confident about or people who love you. All these thoughts put you in a good frame of mind and help forestall anxiety or a bad mood. Every day can't be Disneyland Day but every day can have enjoyable, pleasurable moments. Look for those moments and you will like life better.

Up, Up And Away (Digitally Remastered 1997)

How to Avoid Hysteria!

2010-09-02T09:38:00.000-07:00

I found a great article about meditation in the September 2010 edition of the Oprah magazine. It says that meditation can help with depression, weight loss and marriage problems. Meditation helps quiet brooding thoughts, "can kill that mindless urge to eat," and help you feel more compassion for your spouse. What a wonderful outcome from such a simple and inexpensive practice! No nasty side effects, either.

I have found meditation to be personally helpful. My family also benefits when I meditate. Once when my daughter was about 6 or 7 she noticed that I was not in the best of moods. She said to me, "Mom, you need to go meditate." And she was right! When I meditate, I feel much less anxious and angry. I react more slowly, thereby giving myself time to think before saying or doing something I might regret.

One of the ways in which I meditate is to say the same phrase over and over. It could be something like, "Be calm" or "Peace come into my heart." Say whatever short phrase works for you. I also like to use guided meditations. I have some sample ones you can try at the store on my web site.

In "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The forum, Hysterium is running around hysterically, (as the name implies), while singing, "I'm calm, I'm calm, I'm perfectly calm, I'm utterly under control." This is a good example of how not to meditate.

For your amusement, I have included the words as well as a video of the song. Hysterium has good suggestions for coping with stress, such as taking deep breaths or thinking about relaxing images. He just isn't using them.

HYSTERIUM]

I'm calm,
I'm calm,
I'm perfectly calm,
I'm utterly under control.
I haven't a worry:
Where others would hurry I stroll.

I'm calm,
I'm cool,
A gibbering fool
Is something I never become.
When thunder is rumbling
And others are crumbling,
I hum.

Hm--hmmm--hmmmmm!!!!!
HMMMMM!!!!
H-M-M-M!!!!

I must think calm comforting things,
Butterfly wings,
Emerald rings,
Or a murmuring brook,
Murmuring, murmuring, murmuring...look,

I'm calm,
I'm calm,
I haven't a qualm,
I'm utterly under control.
Let nothing confuse me
Or faze me-- [yawn] --
Excuse me.
I'm calm.

Oh so calm.
Oh so--
[PSEUDOLUS (offstage):]
Hysterium!
[HYSTERIUM]

I'm calm,
I'm calm,
I'm perfectly calm,
Indifferent to tensions and shocks.
Unruffled and ready,
My nerves are as steady
As rocks.

I'm calm, controlled,
So cool that I'm cold,
Aloofer than any giraffe.
When something's the matter,
Where others would shatter
I laugh. [Laughs hysterically]

I must breathe deep, ever so deep,
Think about sheep
Going to sleep,
Stop and count up to ten, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9...when

You need aplomb
And want to be calm
'Cause life is a horrible dream,
Just count up to ten
Very slowly, and then--

[PSEUDOLUS (offstage):]
Hysterium!
[HYSTERIUM]
[screams]

To Change or Not To Change?

2010-09-01T20:30:00.000-07:00

I have a wicker desk organizer in which I keep a whole bunch of papers I don't know what to do with. I don't want to throw them out but I don't have a good place for them either. So they pile up in this organizer until I decide to throw them out. The problem is that this wicker organizer has been falling apart for years. Seriously, years! Pieces of it keep coming off and I just keep using it. I was looking at it the other day and it hit me. I can get a new organizer!

Now this may sound like an obvious idea to you but it never occurred to me to get rid of it. I think I follow this pattern in other aspects of my life as well. Perhaps you do, too. I tolerate things that I should not tolerate. I put up with second best or work in inefficient ways. Why do I do this? I guess because it never occurs to me that change is possible. I can do something different. I guess change isn't possible until I believe that it is. That's pretty important to remember.

If you want to hear an interesting song about change listen to Fagin in the musical Oliver! He sings a song called, "I'm Reviewing the Situation." He is deciding whether or not to give up a life of crime. It's pretty funny.

By the way, I am planning on buying a new organizer for my papers.

The Snoopy Song

2010-08-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

I love musicals! One of my favorites is "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." There are many wonderful songs in this musical that can be used to teach us about how to live well. The Snoopy song is one of the great ones. Snoopy starts out by talking about how wonderful his life is. Pleasant day, pretty sky, life goes on, here I lie, not bad, not bad at all. Cozy home, board and bed, sturdy roof, beneath my head. Not bad, not bad at all."

So Snoopy is feeling well, having a nice time. Then what happens next? He starts to think about unpleasant things, such as birds sitting on him and scratching him with their claws. The next thing you know, he says he is a jungle animal looking for someone to bite!

What happened? Simpy put, he started to think about something in his life that he didn't like. He focused on it for awhile and guess what? He became angry! This is something we do all the time without recognizing it. It is a great example of unheathy thinking. If you want to be emotionally healthy, pay attention to what you think about. If you focus frequently on the parts of your life that you don't like, you will experience unpleaseant emotions such as anger, sadness or depression. The good news is that you are in charge of how you feel. You can change your feelings depending on what you choose to think about. Practice this for awhile and see what happens.

I included the video below so you can see exactly how Snoopy reacts. If you have any comments I would be happy to hear them!

You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown (1967 Original Off-Broadway Cast)

You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown: A Peanuts Musical [VHS]

"Oliver!" The Musical

2010-08-27T07:46:00.001-07:00

In the musical "Oliver!" the Artful Dodger and Nancy and a few others sing a cute song called "I'd Do Anything." It's sweet and light and says things like "I know that I'd go anywhere for your smile, anywhere , for your smile ,everywhere I'd see." Oliver sings" I'd risk everything for one kiss, everything, yes I'd do anything for you." Also, "We'd risk life and limb to keep you in the swim, yes we'd do anything for you." That last part is sung by a group of orphans who steal for a man named Fagin. He asks them if they would risk getting hanged to please him. They predictably answer, 'We'd do anything for you."

So do you the see the danger inherent in the nice, sweet song? Some people actually live their lives following this credo. Don't give up so much of yourself to others that you know longer follow what is important to you.

The Tiki Room Song

2010-08-24T09:04:00.001-07:00

I saw quail on my walk this morning. This is not unusual, I see them all the time. I was reminded of my favorite expression about quail which is "Run fast, fly low and always travel in groups." (I made up this favorite expression). What does this have to do with good mental health? Well, people who are depressed stay by themselves too much. They like to isolate themselves away from others. Frequently, depressed people don't have friends, either. So quail always travel together in large groups. I see a covey 15 to 20 quail in my backyard regularly. This is a good example for people. Friends are a good anti-depressant. To take the example further, the quail are always on the lookout for each other. They have each other's backs.

Today's song is the Tiki Room song from Disneyland. In case you don't know, the Tiki Room is filled with many groups of singing birds and flowers. They are all together having a good time. There are 4 parrots who are the main characters and they are friends. Here's the song. I really like it. I annoy my family when I sing it.

"In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room

In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room

Where the birds sing words and the flowers croon,

In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room "

Go to http://davelandweb.com/tikiroom/ to see some pictures of the Tiki Room.
Go to http://www.wdisneyw.co.uk/sounds.html to hear the Tiki Room song. The MP3 player version is the best one on this site.

"Ain't Got No Troubles"

2010-08-23T15:43:00.000-07:00

I was listening to NPR and heard a song called "Ain't Got No Troubles" by Eden Brent. You can go to NPR.org and listen to it. This is the kind of song we need to be singing every day. It isn't true, of course, that we have no troubles, but you have to put your mind in the right place if you want to be emotionally healthy. Most of us think in very unhealthy ways. We jump to conclusions, think in very rigid ways or blame ourselves or others erroneously. If you want to be healthy you have to start to notice when you think in these ways and change your thoughts. This is not an original idea. Mark Twain said, "There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened." This means to me that we create tragedy in our minds by how we perceive life events. If you change your perception, you change your feelings and subsequent actions. "Oscar Wilde said "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Look at the stars.

Desperate Housewives: Will He Ever Change?

2009-08-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am doing a seminar titled "Desperate Housewives: Will He Ever Change?" The short answer is, "Only if he wants to." This is true about any of us. If we see a need to change and want to, we will. Don't try to make someone change if they don't think they have a problem. And please don't nag. That never works. It is better to focus on making yourself happy then on trying to make someone make you happy.

He's just not that into you.

2009-07-22T11:00:00.000-07:00

Have you seen the movie "He's just not that into you?" I haven't, but I read about it in the Oprah magazine. I thought that the psychologist who was quoted (Judith Sills) had a good point. She said "When you've clearly signaled your interest (in a man) and he doesn't pursue" it is time to give up going after him. And she added "believe me, it's sooner than you think."

Take this to heart. Don't keep hoping a man will finally see the light and decide that you are the one. Invest a little time in a relationship, see if there is any spark and get out quickly if there isn't. There are lots of men out there. Don't waste your time trying to make one like you. You deserve better.

potato, potahto, "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off"

2009-07-21T14:28:00.000-07:00

Do you know the song "Let's call the whole thing off" by George and Ira Gershwin?

"You like potato, I like potahto
You like tomato, I like tomahto
Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto
Let's call the whole thing off."

In this song a couple is arguing about how to pronounce words. This argument is apparently so serious that they are going to break up! This is a great example of all or nothing thinking and a lack of flexiblility. Please only argue about important things. I talk to couples who argue about how to load the dishwasher or what is the best laundry detergent to buy. These arguments cause real problems.

Try to focus on what is really important. Remember, do you want to be married or do you want to be right?

Infidelity

2009-07-10T09:04:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a lot lately about infidelity. There was, of course, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford and his ridiculous defense of his unfaithfulness. His behavior was atrocious. And did he think that he wouldn't get caught? John Edwards revealed an "indiscretion" last year that I think resulted in a child. A Senator from Nevada, John Ensign, confessed to "violating the vows of my marriage." What is this all about?

I was speaking with a friend and telling her how fortunate I feel. I have no doubt about my husband's faithfulness. She said she felt the same way. I want all women to have the certainty that I have about my husband and our relationship. I can't imagine him cheating on me. I don't check up on him to see where he is every minute of the day. I don't check his cell phone to see who he has called. If you are in a relationship like that, you need to think about why you tolerate it. You deserve better.

2009-06-25T11:59:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about couples who argue a lot. Sometimes they argue about things that are small, or as they say, "stupid." The problem is that these little things mean more than what they seem. There is usually a meaning behind the argument.

If you can figure out the meaning then you can resolve the problem instead of arguing about a topic.