Songs are a great representation of how we think. The problem is that we often think in ways that are very unhealthy. This blog uses songs in a humorous way to demonstrate how we can be more emotionally healthy by singing for our sanity.
You gotta love a love song, right? For the most part, so do I, but I have to tell you that love songs are some of the best examples of screwed up thinking that I have ever heard. The lyrics of a song my 13 year old daughter listens to just flashed through my mind. "I can't live life without you." I don't even know who sings this song. I bet there are million songs with a similar theme. Send me a comment if you can think of one.
Oh, I just thought of a great one. "My Life Would Suck Without You," sung by Kelly Clarkson.
Anyway, the problem with this sentiment is that too many people take it literally. I talk to them all the time. They think they will die without the one they love. I know that relationships can be very painful. We don't call it heartbreak for nothing. But if you really believe what the song says you are screwed! It just isn't true. You can survive after a breakup or loss. It can be difficult but you will survive. Maybe we need to think of a line from another song called, "I Will Survive." Check this out and sing along if you need to. I don't know what's up with the roller skating.
This is the first part of what I think will be several posts about love relationships.I will start by using the musical "Guys and Dolls" as a good example of what not to do.
There are two main women in the musical Guys and Dolls. They each love a man who is not good for them.
Here's the set up. Adelaide has been engaged to the same man for many, many years. His occupation is setting up illegal crap games. He says they will get married but keeps putting it off. Adelaide has gone so far as to tell her mother they have been married for years. She even made up fake kids and writes to her mother about them on a regular basis.
Sister Sarah, who works for the Salvation Army, falls for a gambler. Each man is notoriously undependable. I guess they both like bad boys.
Anyway, the song they sing is about marrying these bad boys, with the intention of changing them.
Listen to this.
"Marry the man today, rather than sigh in sorrow, marry the man today and change his ways tomorrow."
Does this sound like a good idea? Of course not! But there are still people who try to do this. What I like to tell my clients is, "Don't marry a fixer-upper." You know how you can buy a house that needs a lot of work to be truly liveable? That's what I call a fixer-upper. Don't get in a relationship with someone who needs a lot of work.
Of course, none of us is perfect. Your partner will always have flaws. I mean that you need to be careful to avoid potential partners who need a lot of work. Assume that the person you are interested in will always be the way he or she is when you first met them. Heck, you liked them that way, right? If you can live with how they are right now then they are a good choice. If you think, "All will be well if they only change," then you are on a dangerous path. Contrary to what Sister Sarah and Adelaide believe, you cannot change them.
I heard Eddie Fisher singing on the radio today. They were honoring him because he died yesterday. He was a famous singer, husband to Debbie Reynolds and father of Carrie Fisher of Star Wars fame. He was singing the song that Irving Berlin wrote called "Counting your Blessings." What a great song! It is also great advice if you want to stop worrying. How many blessings do you have in your life that you can count?
When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings
If you really have trouble sleeping, try the sleep meditation audio download in my store.
Did you know that one way you can cope better with pain is by laughing? I actually recommended that a client attend laughter yoga recently. Then I heard Dr. Steven Sultanoff say on the news today that "tolerance to pain is
increased with deep, heartfelt laughter." This doctor is a laughter therapist. That's funny all by itself! He went on to indicate that "humor activates wit" which changes your perspective and "shifts the way we think and we know that thinking is directly related to pain."
So what can you do? You can read or tell jokes, watch funny movies or even remember a time when you laughed so hard that you cried. Doing any of these things shifts your mindset and can help reduce pain. This just reinforces how important it is to pay attention to what you think. So watch this clip of the song "I love to laugh" from Mary Poppins. I hope it makes you laugh.
I often talk to my clients about reducing their attachment to an outcome. What does this mean? We want things to turn out our way. We want what we want and we want it now. The problem with this philosophy is that if we don't get what we want we are very upset. I know this sounds as if we all operate at the level of a 5 year old, but I think we all do in certain situations.
The other issue is that many people get stuck in the belief that they will not be happy if things in their life don't turn out exactly as they want. This is a big problem because if you have lived even a little while in the world, you will find out that many times things will not go the way you want.
What should you do? Reducing attachment to an outcome means that you do what you can and then let go. There is only so much you can do in any given situation. This especially applies to trying to get other people to behave the way you want.
A good example for me revolves around my daughter's grades. She will tell you that I am a pain about her grades. And she is right. I take on too much responsibility for something that is her job. I need to lessen my attachment to the outcome of her grades. It is her life and her grades.
If you find yourself too attached to someone else's behavior try the idea of "let it be."
For a particularly touching rendition of "Let It Be", listen to Paul McCartney and company sing it during a 9-11 tribute.
I was thinking today about the song by Ricky Nelson, " Garden Party." The line I like is "You can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself." This is so true. I talk to so many people who make themselves ill over trying to do what everyone else wants them to do. It isn't possible. It is OK to put yourself first and do what you want. This video explains it all. Go, Ricky!
I am sure many of you have heard about the Chilean miners who are trapped in a collapsed mine. They are all alive (33 of them) but may have to wait 4 months to get out. Guess what they were told to do to help them handle their situation? They were told to sing for their sanity. I read the following on web.orange.co.uk.
"Chile's health minister, Dr Jaime Manalich, said a daily and nightly routine is important and having fun is critical.
"We hope to define a secure area where they can establish various places - one for resting and sleeping, one for diversion, one for food, another for work," Dr Manalich said."
"That includes singing, games of movement, playing cards. We want them to record songs, to make videos, to create works of theatre for the family."
I am not surprised. Songs help you feel good, especially if they are upbeat songs. I have a few suggestions for them. How about "High Hopes?" Or maybe they could try "It's A Wonderful World?" I know that these songs are in English, but I imagine that there are similar songs in Spanish.
The Chilean minister also mentioned sending antidepressants to the miners. Maybe he should send an iPod with a lot of songs on it, too. (If they have a way to charge it).
What songs do you think would be helpful? Drop me a comment and let me know.
Here's Louis Armstrong and "It's A Wonderful World." He smiles through the whole song and I couldn't help but smile, too. Maybe we should all sing along.
This post is for my friend Linda. She mentioned that she procrastinates, like most of us do, I guess. I always think of Charlie Brown when I think about procrastination. Charlie Brown was supposed to right a book report and he put it off. He had all sorts of good reasons for doing so, but so do we all. Watch this video and see what you think.
Here are some tips to help overcome procrastination.
First, you can use the Swiss Cheese Method. This just means taking any part of the project you are putting off and doing it. Don't worry about where you start. You are just poking holes in the project.
You could also try timing yourself. Tell yourself you will only work on the project for a specified time, such as 10 minutes. You can do almost anything for 10 minutes. When the time is up you can stop. If, however, you feel like continuing, go ahead. Usually, once you start, doing more isn't too hard.
A list of the consequences that will occur if you put off the project can sometimes help motivate you. You might have to stay up late or you may get in trouble at work.
Sometimes you just have to change your mindset. Many people are afraid of failure so they won't do something they perceive as risky. Or maybe they are perfectionists and are afraid the project won't be just right. If this is the case, you can ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that can happen in this instance?" Usually the worst thing is not that bad.
I saw about 8 hot air balloons flying high over the valley while I was out walking today. They made me smile. So that made me think about what other things make me smile. I like poppies, cats, watching my daughter play the harp, and beautiful music. It also reminded me of that song"Up, Up and Away, My Beautiful Balloon" sung by the 5th Dimension. These things all make me happy. If you don't feel happy right now, watch this video. It is from 1967 and the clothing alone is good for a laugh.
You might say that these are just small things. but that's what life is made of. You see, every day can't be what I call Disneyland Day. Disneyland Day is special and comes only once a year or so for me. I am always excited and happy about that day. But, if I am only happy on days that are extra special what happens the rest of the days? Life is made up mainly of regular days.
So if you want to feel better more often what should you do? I suggest that every day you think about 3 things that you were thankful for, or grateful for, or happy about, that happened the day
before. You could also think about things you are confident about or people who love you. All these thoughts put you in a good frame of mind and help forestall anxiety or a bad mood. Every day can't be Disneyland Day but every day can have enjoyable, pleasurable moments. Look for those moments and you will like life better.
I found a great article about meditation in the September 2010 edition of the Oprah magazine. It says that meditation can help with depression, weight loss and marriage problems. Meditation helps quiet brooding thoughts, "can kill that mindless urge to eat," and help you feel more compassion for your spouse. What a wonderful outcome from such a simple and inexpensive practice! No nasty side effects, either.
I have found meditation to be personally helpful. My family also benefits when I meditate. Once when my daughter was about 6 or 7 she noticed that I was not in the best of moods. She said to me, "Mom, you need to go meditate." And she was right! When I meditate, I feel much less anxious and angry. I react more slowly, thereby giving myself time to think before saying or doing something I might regret.
One of the ways in which I meditate is to say the same phrase over and over. It could be something like, "Be calm" or "Peace come into my heart." Say whatever short phrase works for you. I also like to use guided meditations. I have some sample ones you can try at the store on my web site.
In "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The forum, Hysterium is running around hysterically, (as the name implies), while singing, "I'm calm, I'm calm, I'm perfectly calm, I'm utterly under control." This is a good example of how not to meditate.
For your amusement, I have included the words as well as a video of the song. Hysterium has good suggestions for coping with stress, such as taking deep breaths or thinking about relaxing images. He just isn't using them.
HYSTERIUM]
I'm calm, I'm calm, I'm perfectly calm, I'm utterly under control. I haven't a worry: Where others would hurry I stroll.
I'm calm, I'm cool, A gibbering fool Is something I never become. When thunder is rumbling And others are crumbling, I hum.
Hm--hmmm--hmmmmm!!!!! HMMMMM!!!! H-M-M-M!!!!
I must think calm comforting things, Butterfly wings, Emerald rings, Or a murmuring brook, Murmuring, murmuring, murmuring...look,
I'm calm, I'm calm, I haven't a qualm, I'm utterly under control. Let nothing confuse me Or faze me-- [yawn] -- Excuse me. I'm calm.
Oh so calm. Oh so-- [PSEUDOLUS (offstage):] Hysterium! [HYSTERIUM]
I'm calm, I'm calm, I'm perfectly calm, Indifferent to tensions and shocks. Unruffled and ready, My nerves are as steady As rocks.
I'm calm, controlled, So cool that I'm cold, Aloofer than any giraffe. When something's the matter, Where others would shatter I laugh. [Laughs hysterically]
I must breathe deep, ever so deep, Think about sheep Going to sleep, Stop and count up to ten, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9...when
You need aplomb And want to be calm 'Cause life is a horrible dream, Just count up to ten Very slowly, and then--
I have a wicker desk organizer in which I keep a whole bunch of papers I don't know what to do with. I don't want to throw them out but I don't have a good place for them either. So they pile up in this organizer until I decide to throw them out. The problem is that this wicker organizer has been falling apart for years. Seriously, years! Pieces of it keep coming off and I just keep using it. I was looking at it the other day and it hit me. I can get a new organizer!
Now this may sound like an obvious idea to you but it never occurred to me to get rid of it. I think I follow this pattern in other aspects of my life as well. Perhaps you do, too. I tolerate things that I should not tolerate. I put up with second best or work in inefficient ways. Why do I do this? I guess because it never occurs to me that change is possible. I can do something different. I guess change isn't possible until I believe that it is. That's pretty important to remember.
If you want to hear an interesting song about change listen to Fagin in the musical Oliver! He sings a song called, "I'm Reviewing the Situation." He is deciding whether or not to give up a life of crime. It's pretty funny.
By the way, I am planning on buying a new organizer for my papers.
You gotta love a love song, right? For the most part, so do I, but I have to tell you that love songs are some of the best examples of screwed up thinking that I have ever heard. The lyrics of a song my 13 year old daughter listens to just flashed through my mind. "I can't live life without you." I don't even know who sings this song. I bet there are million songs with a similar theme. Send me a comment if you can think of one.
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