"Oliver!" The Musical

In the musical "Oliver!" the Artful Dodger and Nancy and a few others sing a cute song called "I'd Do Anything." It's sweet and light and says things like "I know that I'd go anywhere for your smile, anywhere , for your smile ,everywhere I'd see." Oliver sings" I'd risk everything for one kiss, everything, yes I'd do anything for you." Also, "We'd risk life and limb to keep you in the swim, yes we'd do anything for you." That last part is sung by a group of orphans who steal for a man named Fagin. He asks them if they would risk getting hanged to please him. They predictably answer, 'We'd do anything for you."

So do you the see the danger inherent in the nice, sweet song? Some people actually live their lives following this credo. Don't give up so much of yourself to others that you know longer follow what is important to you.

The Tiki Room Song

I saw quail on my walk this morning. This is not unusual, I see them all the time. I was reminded of my favorite expression about quail which is "Run fast, fly low and always travel in groups." (I made up this favorite expression). What does this have to do with good mental health? Well, people who are depressed stay by themselves too much. They like to isolate themselves away from others. Frequently, depressed people don't have friends, either. So quail always travel together in large groups. I see a covey 15 to 20 quail in my backyard regularly. This is a good example for people. Friends are a good anti-depressant. To take the example further, the quail are always on the lookout for each other. They have each other's backs.

Today's song is the Tiki Room song from Disneyland. In case you don't know, the Tiki Room is filled with many groups of singing birds and flowers. They are all together having a good time. There are 4 parrots who are the main characters and they are friends. Here's the song. I really like it. I annoy my family when I sing it.

"In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room

In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room

Where the birds sing words and the flowers croon,

In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room "

Go to http://davelandweb.com/tikiroom/ to see some pictures of the Tiki Room.
Go to http://www.wdisneyw.co.uk/sounds.html to hear the Tiki Room song. The MP3 player version is the best one on this site.

"Ain't Got No Troubles"

I was listening to NPR and heard a song called "Ain't Got No Troubles" by Eden Brent. You can go to NPR.org and listen to it. This is the kind of song we need to be singing every day. It isn't true, of course, that we have no troubles, but you have to put your mind in the right place if you want to be emotionally healthy. Most of us think in very unhealthy ways. We jump to conclusions, think in very rigid ways or blame ourselves or others erroneously. If you want to be healthy you have to start to notice when you think in these ways and change your thoughts. This is not an original idea. Mark Twain said, "There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened." This means to me that we create tragedy in our minds by how we perceive life events. If you change your perception, you change your feelings and subsequent actions. "Oscar Wilde said "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Look at the stars.

Desperate Housewives: Will He Ever Change?

Tonight I am doing a seminar titled "Desperate Housewives: Will He Ever Change?" The short answer is, "Only if he wants to." This is true about any of us. If we see a need to change and want to, we will. Don't try to make someone change if they don't think they have a problem. And please don't nag. That never works. It is better to focus on making yourself happy then on trying to make someone make you happy.

He's just not that into you.

Have you seen the movie "He's just not that into you?" I haven't, but I read about it in the Oprah magazine. I thought that the psychologist who was quoted (Judith Sills) had a good point. She said "When you've clearly signaled your interest (in a man) and he doesn't pursue" it is time to give up going after him. And she added "believe me, it's sooner than you think."

Take this to heart. Don't keep hoping a man will finally see the light and decide that you are the one. Invest a little time in a relationship, see if there is any spark and get out quickly if there isn't. There are lots of men out there. Don't waste your time trying to make one like you. You deserve better.

potato, potahto, "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off"

Do you know the song "Let's call the whole thing off" by George and Ira Gershwin?

"You like potato, I like potahto
You like tomato, I like tomahto
Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto
Let's call the whole thing off."

In this song a couple is arguing about how to pronounce words. This argument is apparently so serious that they are going to break up! This is a great example of all or nothing thinking and a lack of flexiblility. Please only argue about important things. I talk to couples who argue about how to load the dishwasher or what is the best laundry detergent to buy. These arguments cause real problems.

Try to focus on what is really important. Remember, do you want to be married or do you want to be right?

Infidelity

I've been reading a lot lately about infidelity. There was, of course, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford and his ridiculous defense of his unfaithfulness. His behavior was atrocious. And did he think that he wouldn't get caught? John Edwards revealed an "indiscretion" last year that I think resulted in a child. A Senator from Nevada, John Ensign, confessed to "violating the vows of my marriage." What is this all about?

I was speaking with a friend and telling her how fortunate I feel. I have no doubt about my husband's faithfulness. She said she felt the same way. I want all women to have the certainty that I have about my husband and our relationship. I can't imagine him cheating on me. I don't check up on him to see where he is every minute of the day. I don't check his cell phone to see who he has called. If you are in a relationship like that, you need to think about why you tolerate it. You deserve better.