Desperate Housewives: Will He Ever Change?

Tonight I am doing a seminar titled "Desperate Housewives: Will He Ever Change?" The short answer is, "Only if he wants to." This is true about any of us. If we see a need to change and want to, we will. Don't try to make someone change if they don't think they have a problem. And please don't nag. That never works. It is better to focus on making yourself happy then on trying to make someone make you happy.

He's just not that into you.

Have you seen the movie "He's just not that into you?" I haven't, but I read about it in the Oprah magazine. I thought that the psychologist who was quoted (Judith Sills) had a good point. She said "When you've clearly signaled your interest (in a man) and he doesn't pursue" it is time to give up going after him. And she added "believe me, it's sooner than you think."

Take this to heart. Don't keep hoping a man will finally see the light and decide that you are the one. Invest a little time in a relationship, see if there is any spark and get out quickly if there isn't. There are lots of men out there. Don't waste your time trying to make one like you. You deserve better.

potato, potahto, "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off"

Do you know the song "Let's call the whole thing off" by George and Ira Gershwin?

"You like potato, I like potahto
You like tomato, I like tomahto
Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto
Let's call the whole thing off."

In this song a couple is arguing about how to pronounce words. This argument is apparently so serious that they are going to break up! This is a great example of all or nothing thinking and a lack of flexiblility. Please only argue about important things. I talk to couples who argue about how to load the dishwasher or what is the best laundry detergent to buy. These arguments cause real problems.

Try to focus on what is really important. Remember, do you want to be married or do you want to be right?

Infidelity

I've been reading a lot lately about infidelity. There was, of course, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford and his ridiculous defense of his unfaithfulness. His behavior was atrocious. And did he think that he wouldn't get caught? John Edwards revealed an "indiscretion" last year that I think resulted in a child. A Senator from Nevada, John Ensign, confessed to "violating the vows of my marriage." What is this all about?

I was speaking with a friend and telling her how fortunate I feel. I have no doubt about my husband's faithfulness. She said she felt the same way. I want all women to have the certainty that I have about my husband and our relationship. I can't imagine him cheating on me. I don't check up on him to see where he is every minute of the day. I don't check his cell phone to see who he has called. If you are in a relationship like that, you need to think about why you tolerate it. You deserve better.

I was thinking about couples who argue a lot. Sometimes they argue about things that are small, or as they say, "stupid." The problem is that these little things mean more than what they seem. There is usually a meaning behind the argument.

If you can figure out the meaning then you can resolve the problem instead of arguing about a topic.