How to Avoid Hysteria!

I found a great article about meditation in the September 2010 edition of the Oprah magazine. It says that meditation can help with depression, weight loss and marriage problems. Meditation helps quiet brooding thoughts, "can kill that mindless urge to eat," and help you feel more compassion for your spouse. What a wonderful outcome from such a simple and inexpensive practice! No nasty side effects, either.

I have found meditation to be personally helpful. My family also benefits when I meditate. Once when my daughter was about 6 or 7 she noticed that I was not in the best of moods. She said to me, "Mom, you need to go meditate." And she was right! When I meditate, I feel much less anxious and angry. I react more slowly, thereby giving myself time to think before saying or doing something I might regret.

One of the ways in which I meditate is to say the same phrase over and over. It could be something like, "Be calm" or "Peace come into my heart." Say whatever short phrase works for you. I also like to use guided meditations. I have some sample ones you can try at the store on my web site.

In "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The forum, Hysterium is running around hysterically, (as the name implies), while singing, "I'm calm, I'm calm, I'm perfectly calm, I'm utterly under control." This is a good example of how not to meditate.



For your amusement, I have included the words as well as a video of the song. Hysterium has good suggestions for coping with stress, such as taking deep breaths or thinking about relaxing images. He just isn't using them.

HYSTERIUM]


I'm calm,
I'm calm,
I'm perfectly calm,
I'm utterly under control.
I haven't a worry:
Where others would hurry I stroll.

I'm calm,
I'm cool,
A gibbering fool
Is something I never become.
When thunder is rumbling
And others are crumbling,
I hum.

Hm--hmmm--hmmmmm!!!!!
HMMMMM!!!!
H-M-M-M!!!!

I must think calm comforting things,
Butterfly wings,
Emerald rings,
Or a murmuring brook,
Murmuring, murmuring, murmuring...look,

I'm calm,
I'm calm,
I haven't a qualm,
I'm utterly under control.
Let nothing confuse me
Or faze me-- [yawn] --
Excuse me.
I'm calm.


Oh so calm.
Oh so--
[PSEUDOLUS (offstage):]
Hysterium!
[HYSTERIUM]

I'm calm,
I'm calm,
I'm perfectly calm,
Indifferent to tensions and shocks.
Unruffled and ready,
My nerves are as steady
As rocks.

I'm calm, controlled,
So cool that I'm cold,
Aloofer than any giraffe.
When something's the matter,
Where others would shatter
I laugh. [Laughs hysterically]

I must breathe deep, ever so deep,
Think about sheep
Going to sleep,
Stop and count up to ten, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9...when


You need aplomb
And want to be calm
'Cause life is a horrible dream,
Just count up to ten
Very slowly, and then--

[PSEUDOLUS (offstage):]
Hysterium!
[HYSTERIUM]
[screams]